http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ GuyTrap--the Gay Attraction, Sex and Love Forum » Recent Posts en Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:55:30 +0000 http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=473#post-1862 Thu, 04 Mar 2010 02:01:44 +0000 hunkmagnet 1862@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>Are you leaving your love live up to fate and hoping to be approached? Let me tell you the truth. Unless you were Brat Pitt's twin brother, or at least as cute as Jack (yes --- you're right. That Jake from Brokeback Mountain guy with a lick-able mole) you won't get much!</p> <p>Change your strategy. Instead of passively waiting to be approached by your soul mate to-be, why don't you approach him? The worst thing that can happen is a sour rejection from him. Tell you what --- Few stale rejections won't kill you and the good news it will make you smarter and more experience in love flirting art.</p> <p>Now let's get back to the question: Are you leaving your love live up to fate? I certainly won't. Here are few tips to go from a passive lusting dreamer to a dating pick up expert.</p> <p>Get out your comfort zone and start meeting people</p> <p>To get started you need to go where gay men are and learn to approach them. Gay men don't usually live in bars (well, I don't and most gay don't either -; -) If you keep your eyes open and pay attention to your surroundings, you'll find flirtatious looks, comments, hints and gestures everywhere at your favorite grocery store, laundry mat, bookshop or café. There are vast prospects everywhere.</p> <p>You go to places where your prospects go. People tend to go and get together with others with similar interest and back ground. If you prefer guy of muscle - then you should hangout at the gym, don't go to wine enthusiast meeting.</p> <p>Stop making excuses</p> <p>I know we don't have Jack's sweet lick-able mole, all we have is few stubborn extra fat around our love handle, one or two wrinkles, weird twisting nose, and lots of acne scars. So what! Don't ever let your appearance be an excuse to hide and deprived from love.</p> <p>Getting a date is not about your physical attraction but it's all about marketing, attitude and an image you are projecting. Guys are attracted to the signals you are sending. Do you walk with confidence or insecurity? Do you give off an air of arrogance? Do you wear those silly smiles too much? A little self-reflection and some tiny image adjustment can a huge difference.</p> <p>Create the opportunity</p> <p>Once you find your prospect - don't wait for the opportunity. Make or create one to start and strike up conversation. A better approach is an excuse - any excuses will just do fine.</p> <p>"Excuse me, could you be so kind to show me where the toilet is? I almost pee on my pants." (Oops!)</p> <p>"Excuse me, but your fly is open." ( Oops!)</p> <p>"Excuse me, there's something on your collar." (Oops!)<br /> I am sure you can make out any excuse to have his attention - but in my experience the best one is simple "Hi" and a smile.</p> <p>Seize the opportunity</p> <p>Once you've exchange few words with him, you have to keep the conversation going. The opportunity is there now and wide open but you must allow some time for his attraction to develop. Keep talking in friendly way and pretend you're not that really interested in him sexually. In other words, give him enough time to justify an attraction toward you. Once it shows, you'll see signals in his eyes and body languages.</p> <p>Close the deal</p> <p>Like any business deal you should never afraid to ask for the sale. You seal your approach by asking his phone number and let him know that you're interested in talking to him in further. Invite him out for coffee and offer your phone number if you feel comfortable.</p> <p>Now it 's up to both of you to start your own love journey and just a short trip to bed-land. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=472#post-1861 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 15:34:35 +0000 hunkmagnet 1861@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>Introduction</p> <p>One of the developmental tasks of all adolescents is to establish productive relationships with their peer group and to understand and manage their sexuality. Dating provides fertile training ground for these teens for learning about themselves and how to establish and maintain healthy intimate relationships as they continue to mature and grow. Due to growing up in a homophobic society, most gay men as teenagers had to keep their sexualities hidden for fear of social backlash and further damage to their already shaky self-images. Some boys chose to distance themselves completely from dating, while others chose to date their female peers to more easily "fit in" and be accepted. For some, there was no other choice for them but to date girls, while for others it was an attempt to extinguish their feelings they had for males. Very few gay men had the luxury of being able to openly date other gay males as teenagers and to live authentically. Fortunately, today's generation of gay youth are experiencing slightly more liberal attitudes and acceptance from their peer group about being gay, but there's still a long way to go. As a result, many gay men as adults remain perplexed and confused about how to date other men. Without training, education, and support, many gay men are forced to "wing it" as they mingle and mate with other men, leaving many of them unsatisfied with their dating experiences and wondering if they'll ever find a loving partner to settle down with.</p> <p>What follows is a tips list of things for gay men to keep in mind as they go about meeting other men in pursuit of their Mr. Right. Add your own to the list and keep it handy as a quick-reference guide as you embark upon your dating adventures to promote greater success in your romantic life.</p> <p>Dating Success Tips</p> <p>1. Live your life to the max! Creating a full life puts you in charge of your own happiness and puts less emphasis and dependency on finding a relationship to make you whole. You must be whole as a person first before a healthy relationship can be cultivated. By developing yourself, those internal feelings of zest and fulfillment will show on the outside as well. Very attractive indeed!</p> <p>2. Know who you are, what your needs and values are, and what you stand for. This will take you far as you delve through the dating world. Having a clear vision and purpose will help to keep you centered and grounded on your quest.</p> <p>3. Examine your relationship history and determine what behaviors worked for you and which ones didn’t. Identify the obstacles that prevent you from engaging in the kinds of relationships that you want.</p> <p>4. Don’t confuse chemistry with compatibility. While that “chemical spark” is important, a person’s enduring qualities are what really help to lay the foundation for potential long-term relationship success.</p> <p>5. Determine if you are really ready for a relationship and assess your true motives. One of the biggest relationship “sabotagers” is not being able to be fully present, being distracted by other needs or issues, and having other priorities that compete with the relationship. Determine if you are “dateable” and develop goals to accomplish true relationship readiness. Develop your self-esteem and create a vision for how you’d like your life to be.</p> <p>6. Don’t stay in a dating relationship that’s not working just for the sake of staving off loneliness or fearing hurting the other’s feelings. This only robs both of you of precious time that could be better served improving your quality of life in new directions. Learn to be assertive and direct with your needs and feelings.</p> <p>7. Don’t bail out of a dating relationship at the first sign of trouble. Relationships take hard work and conflict is actually a necessary precursor to deeper connection and intimacy. Assess what’s missing and what the barriers are and determine if negotiation is possible. There can be no growth without healthy conflict; however, know the difference between that and when the relationship really isn’t a “goodness of fit.”</p> <p>8. Be proactive in getting what you want and take responsibility for what happens. Conquer your anxieties about taking initiative. Don’t stand on the sidelines hoping someone will make contact with you. Make that move yourself and choose to approach someone if you’re interested. Internalize the mantra: NO MORE MISSED OPPORTUNITIES!</p> <p>9. Face your fears of rejection directly. A turn-down for a date has nothing to do with you as a person; it has everything to do with the other person’s projections and needs. Know that you are worthy and deserving.</p> <p>10. Build your support network. Surround yourself with positive people who will affirm you and support you. Family and friends provide a much needed source of connection, love, and fun that can truly enhance your life as a single gay man. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=471#post-1860 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 15:32:12 +0000 hunkmagnet 1860@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>“Well, it was really nice meeting you, bud, but I don’t really think we’re a match. Good luck to you though!” –or- “Yeah, it was fun! I’ll call you!” –and then the call never comes.</p> <p>Sound familiar? We’ve all been there at one time or another. You know, that stabbing feeling of being unwanted that’s so hard to shake when it strikes. Yep—rejection! Rejection of all forms is a natural part of being human, from being declined for a job or being refused participation in a certain club. But as a single guy on a quest for a life partner, rejection is an inescapable given in the dating world as you search for a compatible counterpart. There is no way around it!</p> <p>Now in this article, I’m not going to sugar-coat things and say “just get over it” or “it’s his loss if he doesn’t want to date you.” This type of common advice minimizes the impact rejection really has. The truth of the matter is that rejection sucks! It hurts, it’s no fun, and it can be difficult to swallow at times. But while rejection can be a nasty experience, it is a fact of life that needs to be accepted and embraced in order to survive and triumph over its effects. There’s no easy formula for overcoming the fear of rejection, but what’s offered here are some tips for making the most of it and taking on a new perspective to help you forage on and prevent it from holding you back from accomplishing your relationship goals and dreams.</p> <p>Why Rejection Hurts</p> <p>Growing up gay in a homophobic society poses many challenges as we face our developmental tasks and build an identity. As gay men, most of us carried boat-loads of shame and fears of not being accepted for who we were as we grew up (and a lot of us still struggle with these issues as adults) because of the messages from society that said being gay is “bad.” This prejudice and discrimination, coupled with the fear of not being accepted, can lead to an extra-hypersensitivity when any kind of rejection is perceived. This can be even more pronounced for those men who experienced banishment from their families or suffered some type of trauma or abuse for being gay. Low self-esteem, the tendency to have a strong need for approval, and to define one’s self-image around what others think of you can be additional culprits in making rejection seem insurmountable.</p> <p>The Costs Are High!</p> <p>For some single gay men, the fear of rejection acts as a huge barrier against their claiming one of their most desired goals—a loving relationship. This fear can manifest itself in giving up on dating, isolating oneself, avoiding risks that could result in positive life changes, a tendency to become desperate, needy, clingy, and a people-pleaser. Then there’s all the negative, pessimistic thinking, anxiety, potential to become codependent, fear of commitment, and presenting a false self to avoid exposing oneself and being vulnerable, which then leads to intimacy deficits, decreased social confidence, and sometimes it reaches dangerous depths of turning to things such as alcohol/drugs and sex to self-medicate against those feelings. The list goes on—yuck!</p> <p>· What does rejection mean to you?</p> <p>· What are some of the losses and negative consequences you’ve endured as a result of your fear of rejection, if any?</p> <p>A Mental Shift Is Required</p> <p>A new mindset is mandatory for conquering the negative effects of a fear of rejection in the dating world. Most struggles with rejection stem from your self-talk, the chatter we all have going on in our heads all the time. What you think affects how you feel which affects how you act, and then they all interrelate with each other. You can create a self-fulfilling prophecy that if you expect rejection, it’ll turn out that way. A lot of our fears of being “dismissed” come from such cognitive distortions (negative thought traps) as catastrophizing (blowing things out of proportion) and mindreading (making unfounded assumptions). You can certainly miss out on golden opportunities for meeting Mr. Right if you expend all your energy on your worries and negative thinking, not to mention that your self-esteem will be undermined and you won’t feel comfortable in your own skin.</p> <p>Your job is to identify which thoughts help vs. hinder your cause; capitalize on those that boost your confidence and motivate you, and work at defeating those negative thoughts that keep you trapped in vicious cycles of self-defeat. Replace those negative tapes with more affirming statements; this will take a lot of consistent practice to internalize the new messages and counter the old ones that form your beliefs. Another option is to create situations for yourself that will prove your old negative beliefs wrong by demonstrating to yourself that you are capable of overcoming anything that acts as an obstacle to your success.</p> <p>Tips For Coping With Rejection</p> <p>The following are some ideas to help you reframe the way you think about rejection so it doesn’t seem so unbearable. Your negative beliefs can have a strong hold over you because they’re trying to protect you against perceived threat or harm, so some of these tips might inspire an “oh please!” or “yeah right!” attitude. Let your mind be open and pick and choose those that might best fit your personality and style. View any resistance you may feel as an indication that your self-protection mechanisms may have been triggered and refuse to be held victim by them any longer.</p> <p>* View rejection as a success. The fact that that guy doesn’t want to date you is saving you a lot of time and energy in building something that wouldn’t have worked out anyway. You’ve invested nothing, your heart is safe, and now you can channel your energies into new possibilities.</p> <p>* Typically, rejection has nothing to do with you; it’s a projection of the other person’s wants, needs, and life experiences. He doesn’t really know you. All he is aware of is what he saw and what you shared with him about yourself, but that’s not the totality of who you are. It’s more about him. It’s not your fault, so avoid personalizing it and realize also that you are not Mr. Right for every guy you meet and vice versa. Most people you date will not be the right guy for you.</p> <p>* Avoid attaching yourself to outcomes. Approach every date free from fantasy and as an opportunity to meet someone new. If something works out, then that’s an added bonus. Don’t mold yourself into a relationship just for the sake of being in one. Be the chooser!</p> <p>* A fear of being alone is closely tied to fear of rejection. The more value you place on someone, the stronger the fear will be, so take the emphasis off of him and find ways to value yourself. Discover ways to be “happily single”, independent, and don’t put stock in being fulfilled in your life only if you’re in a relationship. Identify your strengths and recognize what makes you a “good catch.” Cultivate a positive self-image.</p> <p>* Build your self-confidence by becoming the best “you” you can be. Invest in your personal growth, fine-tune your social skills, take safe and calculated risks, enhance your self-esteem and body image, develop a more balanced lifestyle with purposeful goals that will give you meaning. This will help take the focus off the other guy and put it more squarely on you and living your life to the max to where rejection won’t matter as much to you.</p> <p>* Whenever you experience feelings of rejection, write down the thoughts you’re having in a journal and work at correcting any distorted beliefs that may be hurting you. Are you condemning yourself? Are your thoughts reinforcing low self-esteem? How are you contributing to your own feelings of rejection? Develop your own personal list of affirmations that will encourage and affirm you and rehearse them daily.</p> <p>* Most importantly, stop giving emotional power to these men! How do you even know if this guy was really a match for you either? Are you projecting? His saying “no” to another date basically means that your personal requirements for a long-term relationship do not appear to match up. It is the traits, not you! And if a rejection occurs over something superficial, you don’t want to be with that person anyway. Superficiality does not equal long-term sustenance in relationships. Overcome your fear of being negatively judged by having a solid grasp on your vision and requirements to operate from that.</p> <p>Conclusion</p> <p>While nobody likes to be rejected, remember that it’s all about perception and that you have total control over the way that you think and interpret things; you have no control over the other person. Reframe your experience of rejection in more positive terms, develop a mindset of acceptance to bounce back quickly, and keep centered on your goals and beliefs in your ability to lead a happy life. Dating is risky business and not for the faint of heart, but can be a rewarding adventure. Don’t let your fears of rejection paralyze your life; live by the mantra NO MORE MISSED OPPORTUNITIES and remember that the main reason Mr. Right will want to be with you is by you being who you inherently are—that’s why he will fall in love with you and vice versa. So be yourself! Keep an ongoing log of affirmations that resonate with you to help you stay upbeat and centered during those difficult times, and in conclusion, here’s a neat way of looking at rejection.</p> <p>To build resiliency, you must experience disappointment and rejection and failure and learn that one, you can survive it, and two that sometimes the universe has a better plan for you than you had for yourself all along. --- Azriela Jaffe </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=470#post-1859 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 15:29:23 +0000 hunkmagnet 1859@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>Here are some great tips you can learn on how to detect body language the next time you go to your local gay bar.</p> <p>Frowning and crossing your arms is the equivalent of throwing Kryptonite at the Superman you're hawkin' on, but what about barely noticeable body language?</p> <p>If you're skeptical about how the subtlest body language affects your love life, play a game with me.</p> <p>Straighten your arm as if you were doing a "Heil Hitler" salute. What's the feeling? Dominant, aggressive, hateful, right? It isn't your arm that's creating those feelings, by the way. It's your palm.</p> <p>Watch.</p> <p>Keep your arm in the air, but now turn the palm up. What's the feeling now? Open, inviting, fun. Turn the palm down and you feel like Hitler. Turn it up and you feel like...</p> <p>Evita!</p> <p>Now, if a simple palm movement has that kind of emotional impact on you, imagine the effect it has on other people.</p> <p>Clearly we don't go around saluting like SS guards, but you'd be surprised at how every day palm gestures can have nearly the same negative effects. Quick example: I have a good friend who's fairly disliked by a good many people. Although I think he's kind and generous, some folks have taken me aside and said, "There's something about him that rubs me the wrong way."</p> <p>That "something" is the way he uses his palms. In the Hitler example, you saw the raw emotional power of a simple palm position, but again, that's not realistic. Here's how your palms can make somebody dislike you (like my friend) in a real conversation.</p> <p>Stand in front of a mirror so you can see the full effect. Let's say you met a guy who's so good looking he makes your teeth ache. Pretend you're telling him a funny story about the time you asked a co-worker to move a pile of folders from one side of the room to the other. With your palm facing down, point your hand to the imaginary pile, then to where you want it to go. Now, try it again, this time by pointing with your index finger.</p> <p>Either of those palm positions will make Toothache think you're a prick. And he won't even be able to tell you why. But I can. Research shows both of those hand positions communicate a contemptuous, overbearing personality. Especially, the finger pointing. It's subconsciously perceived as a symbolic club that you beat the listener with, a kind of over-the-arm blow primates use to attack.</p> <p>In fact, the research is so clear and so consistent it rises to the level of law: Do not EVER talk to anyone by pointing your finger or turning your palm down. If you're a habitual finger pointer, stop. Yes, some guys are turned on by macho, command-and-control authority figures, but come on. When was the last time anybody said to themselves, "Tonight I want to meet an arrogant prick who thinks I'm an idiot." </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=469#post-1858 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 15:26:17 +0000 hunkmagnet 1858@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>You feel like you're a motivated person with lots of potential and possibility ahead of you, driven to succeed and achieve.You also believe that you're a "good catch" and know that you have a lot to contribute and give in a romantic relationship if given the opportunity. But how do you find that in another guy?</p> <p>Introduction</p> <p>I’m so fed up with being a “nice guy” and getting nowhere for it. I continue to be perplexed by my situation and want to understand better why others act the way they do, what I am doing wrong, and what things I can do to improve myself. I’m not perfect and don’t pretend to be. I’m not a model, but I’m often told by people that I’m “hot” and how nice and sweet I am. I am passionate and good in bed and believe I have a good personality and sense of humor. I have my own place, a new car, a great job, and I’m very successful in my career that holds a lot of promise for more growth and success. So I guess my biggest question is why am I alone? I treat the guys I have gone out with really well. Yet, it never seems to be enough. I just want to build a life with someone who has ambition, dreams, and who will love me and look out for me as I would for him. ---Gay Man, age 29</p> <p>This young man is not alone with his predicament. Millions of singles, both gay and straight, face the same frustrations and challenges involved in their dating quests for their true life partners. Finding a compatible, quality guy to settle down with is one of the most important decisions you'll make, so it's important to assess how your dating experiences and choices are matching with your needs and goals, particularly if you've been dealing with a series of dating mishaps and disatisfactions. The question of “why am I still single?” is a very complex issue that can’t be done justice with answering in a short article, but this piece will package some key points that will hopefully get you started with figuring out your own situation if you're pondering this common question; perhaps it will become a launching pad for you in approaching your dates differently.</p> <p>Reasons Why We're Still Single</p> <p>It certainly can be challenging trying to find a decent man to build your life with, someone who’s got a good head on his shoulders and who’s been able to overcome a lot of the garbage we gay men have to go through to feel ok about ourselves in this homophobic society. You feel like you're a motivated person with lots of potential and possibility ahead of you, driven to succeed and achieve.You also believe that you're a "good catch" and know that you have a lot to contribute and give in a romantic relationship if given the opportunity. But how do you find that in another guy?</p> <p>There are a multitude of reasons why someone may still be single when they truly desire a relationship. Maybe they keep attracting the same kind of partner who’s wrong for them, or they’re unrealistic in their standards, or they have weak social and dating skills, or they fear losing their personal freedom, among many others. Many gay men have a difficult time establishing and maintaining intimate relationships because of internalized homophobia or intimacy fears. And then it becomes very easy to take on a "victim mentality" and become overly-focused on the flaws of the men we date. Taken a step further, one can then begin developing beliefs like "It's never going to happen for me; they always turn out to be such losers" or "Gay men aren't capable of having long-term relationships", among others. These are all false, of course, but easily born out of frustration and hopelessness.</p> <p>The truth is, we can’t change other people. What's most important at this juncture is to relax, take the emphasis off of the other guys and why they are the way they are, and put your energy into examining the role that you may play in this problem, because that’s where the key to success is in you taking charge of your life and making personal changes where they’re needed. Below are some suggestions to get you started in the right direction:</p> <p>How To Increase Your Odds of Finding True Love</p> <p>1. Be the best person you can be. Live your life to the fullest with no expectations of a relationship. You may be trying too hard at finding love and that can be sabotaging. Lead an active and fulfilling lifestyle with purpose, meaning, and passion, and like-minded people will be attracted and drawn to your energy. Build your support system too and keep dreaming big! Throw yourself into personal growth and boost your self-esteem and confidence and eliminate any fears you may have.</p> <p>2. Know yourself completely and develop your vision. This is the most important step! Be very clear about who you are, what you want, and how you’ll get it. Do this not only for your individual life, but also create a relationship and life partner vision. What are your needs, wants, values, and requirements for both? What’s negotiable and what’s non-negotiable? Be very specific.</p> <p>3. When you begin dating, use this vision as your guide. Collect information and experiences from the men you date to gain a solid knowledge of who they are and make sure they’re in alignment with your vision. At the first sight of a non-negotiable trait they possess, disengage to avoid getting more invested and keep searching. A lot of people ignore these signs and then they get in too deep. Avoid this trap!</p> <p>4. Explore your past relationships with men. Do you see any patterns in the types of men you’re attracted to or the type of relationships you’ve had? Are you continually getting involved with emotionally unavailable men? Are you projecting your own issues onto these men? Are you really ready for a relationship as much as you may want it? Do you have any unfinished business from a prior relationship that prevents you from being able to grieve it and let it go? These are all things to consider as you do your self-analysis.</p> <p>5. Identify your relationship beliefs. These pre-conceived notions and thoughts may be holding you back and sabotaging your efforts. Some examples of self-defeating thoughts might include: “All the good ones are taken”; “Gay relationships don’t last”; “I failed at relationships before, so I will again”; “Gay men can’t commit. I’ll be alone forever”, etc. Work at creating new beliefs to dispute these and gather evidence to prove these negative ones wrong.</p> <p>Conclusion</p> <p>So in a nutshell, work aggressively at the above points and you’ll be at a good starting point. Other things to consider might be to live your life to the max and a relationship will happen when you’re not pressuring yourself so much because you’re happy and living with purpose. Become really attractive “on the inside” and you will attract similar people (The Law of Attraction). Be visible, take risks and stretch out of your comfort zone, develop skills to boost your confidence and cope with feelings of loneliness, develop solid boundaries, and always stay true to your vision no matter what. Good luck with your quest! One good catch deserves another! </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=463#post-1856 Mon, 15 Feb 2010 10:17:31 +0000 bivaa 1856@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>I've had this happen a few times.</p> <p>If I think they're gay and interested, I just say very casually, "Oh, I'm gay, I don't have a wife."</p> <p>A straight guy will usually back-pedal at that point and start talking about his girlfriend or whatever, while a gay guy will usually small and admit to being gay himself. Then the game is on. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=463#post-1855 Sat, 06 Feb 2010 13:17:25 +0000 uwzero 1855@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>Just imply that you don't have a wife. This doesn't confirm that you are gay and also offers yourself up for further conversation. You have to keep a crack in your closet door if you want someone to know your in there. Just use a chain latch to keep it secure. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=464#post-1854 Sat, 06 Feb 2010 13:09:50 +0000 uwzero 1854@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>I have had issues with that as well. Guys interested in me, interested in chatting with me, and a little bit twinkly; but straight. I don't quite know what to make of it other than that I think men are becoming more open about having intimate relationships with other men and they think gay men are a great way to practice that. I would be bad for us to think that straight men want us! Stay away from them if you cant handle that.</p> <p>I think the best approach is to show that you can be a good friend. I think that's what straight curious guys are looking for. Someone who's not going to force anything on to them. Show them your a nice guy looking for nice men to know and be friends with. If it turns into something more, it might help to wait for a somewhat obvious cue on his part before you go to that level with him. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=465#post-1853 Thu, 07 Jan 2010 05:35:54 +0000 blaze7521 1853@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>Ha, you're not really that much of a "LONG mess," you're just going through the same things we all go through. </p> <p>To answer your questions, on how to keep a guy interested, give yourself some distance between yourself and any guys you meet; add a bit of mystery and make them come back to you. Going and begging a guy to hang out or calling from a friends phone a guy you hardly know comes across as a little needy at best (and slightly stalker-ish at worst.) If you and another guy hit it off, you don't have to be in contact everyday to still be interested in one another. It sounds like you might be smothering them and that comes off as really unattractive. </p> <p>You said you just moved to Dallas so why don't you try to build a social network of friends first and then have them introduce you to guys later. Dating guys in a new city may take some time. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=466#post-1852 Tue, 29 Dec 2009 12:39:21 +0000 smooha 1852@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>read the forum, dude. it's full of advice for just these situations. if you ask a question that has already been asked, crickets are the rule. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=467#post-1851 Thu, 17 Dec 2009 19:10:54 +0000 ItsMattsFault 1851@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>Okay so here is how it all went down<br /> Me and a good buddy of mine, happenstance we are both named Matt<br /> We both decided to go on a camping trip over the weekend in the summer. I brought some UV Blue and Smirnoff and other drinks out to some land his family owns out in the middle of nowhere. We set up a tent and drank around a campfire talking about random stuff. Later we went into the tent and it was so hot that we were both in boxers. We started to play the "Have you ever" game where you say "I've never ___" and you drink if you have. So he started to say things like, "I've never thought about being gay" and things like that, which we both ended up drinking to. Later he made a joke about being bigger than me, and I said no way. So we both got hard and compared cocks. I started to jerk it and said, "I want a handjob sooo bad" and he agreed. We both looked at each other and said, "What happens in the tent, stays in the tent." so we started to give eachother hand jobs. This escalated into 69ing and he blew his load in my mouth and mine all over his face, right after we both konked out.</p> <p>Nowadays we watch porn together and he will occasionally whip out his cock and jerk it right in front of me.</p> <p>My question is, I'm not sure if he's actually gay because whenever I bring it up he just says, "I felt really gay" and laughs and changes the subject.<br /> What should I do? </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=437#post-1850 Sat, 12 Dec 2009 00:47:30 +0000 sexy0408 1850@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>check this out </p> <p><a href="www.morethanporn.com/index.php">More than Porn</a>. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=466#post-1849 Tue, 01 Dec 2009 03:45:55 +0000 keyno12 1849@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>come on guys non of you have any advice for mee, i need help, i am new to this whole trying to get with a guy thing. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=466#post-1847 Sun, 29 Nov 2009 05:31:36 +0000 keyno12 1847@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>Hey everyone my name is Abel i am new, there this guy who works in Abercrombie &amp; Fitch in the same mall i work in. He is so gorgeous, but idk if hes gay and i really like him. i was walking to see my friend when i was on my break when i saw him standing at the store to great people i immediately turned around when in the store to pretend i was looking for something and i went up to him and asked him a question, I felt kind of stupid cause i kept staring at his chest lol while he was talking to me. So i see him around in the mall but never pay any mind to him, what should i do, i want to talk to him, but i dont know how, idk i need some help, and I don’t know if he is into guys ether lol. Any advice for me. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=437#post-1846 Sat, 28 Nov 2009 12:37:24 +0000 DCDRe 1846@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>Shop at the trendy stores and you will no doubt be surrounded by gay guys. </p> <p>Hit Ambercrombie and Fitch, Banana Republic, Hermes etc. </p> <p>Other options have already been mentioned which include theaters. I work in a box office at a local theater and it's true gay guys and their supporters are all over the place. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=465#post-1845 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:03:28 +0000 Craig 1845@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>Hi everyone, first time posting here. Let me give a brief description of myself. I'm 20 years old, openly gay and always have been. I'm 5'10 145 lbs, brown hair blue eyes. I wouldn't say I'm "confident" but I'm definitely not looking down on myself.</p> <p>I'm looking for assistance in both where to meet guys, and how to meet guys. I don't mind random hook-ups but I really prefer actually meeting a guy to date and spend time with. I've tried clubs, bars, malls, Bed Bath and Beyond, restaurants, everywhere I can possibly go that has a social setting, I go. On the rare chance I see a gay guy who's cute and catches my eyes. One of two things happens, his boyfriend walks around the corner behind him, or I look down and away. I don't what to say or do to talk to a guy and how to present myself as confident.</p> <p>I don't really have a lot of good conversation because I'm from the small country parts of Texas and just moved to Dallas, which means my geeky computer-self and them have two different interests. The only time I'm able to really let go and talk without caring is if I've been drinking or I can down a drink when I get really nervous.</p> <p>I'm really struggling to meet people - like I said both because I don't know where to look, and I don't know what to say when someone catches my eyes. I've met a guy at work I really like(completely different departments and areas of the building, our work is in no way tied together) and we've spent several nights together but nothing more then cuddling on the bed and going to sleep after we got drunk has happened. Sometimes I text him and never get a reply and most nights I go over I had to beg for him to hang out. And I also recently spoke to another guy I met online, after 2 days of chatting and really seeming to hit it off well he just stopped texting for 3 days, finally annoyed at his avoidance I called from a friend's phone and he just said, "I lost interest".</p> <p>How do I help keep a guy interested? What are things I can do to further my attractiveness towards other guys to make the "initial contact"(He!! even finding them) easier? Thanks for all your help and reading this LONG mess! </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=295&page=2#post-1844 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:08:59 +0000 qwesxo 1844@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>If someone is by them self, then they probably don't want to be by them self, right? Even if the two are not attracted to each other a respectful conversation will boost both your value as others will see that your are not alone. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=418#post-1843 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:57:30 +0000 qwesxo 1843@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>If your having sex with girls and also attracted to boys, then you are bi, not gay. bi is both, gay is just one.<br /> If you are not 100% satisfied with girls but think you would be with guys, then forget it. stick with girls even if they satisfy a little. don't pursue the gay thing ever again. Trust me, life will be easier as a straight guy. Now , if you are 100% gay, then that tactic will not work.<br /> Older straight married men often say that sex is not as much fun anymore, and they are tired of it, food is what they crave forever. you get old, then it's a lot about the relationship , not sexual attraction.<br /> If the ball player is grabbing your butt, then he has uncontrollable sexual urges towards you, but knows better than to be gay. you have to play along, be very dramatic with playing along and one up him somehow, but in a way that is fun and accectable to all around. put your hands on his chest like you are touching boobies. cover your crotch and tell him your too shy for that. be silly. put your hand on his back, keep it there, then rub when no one can see. if he waits, then good, if he removes your arm immediatly then bad. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=77&page=2#post-1842 Sat, 12 Sep 2009 20:45:04 +0000 PhoenixMaenad 1842@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>The chances of HIV transmission during oral sex are low unless there is a cut or lesion in/on the mouth/penis. They is still a definite chance and it's higher if you do swallow. As for other STDs such as HS1/HS2, chlamydia, etc. which aren't blood borne then they're quite easily transferred via oral sex. I'm a med student, I would never have unprotected oral sex with a partner unless I'd been exclusive with them for three months (the window period for HIV) and we'd been tested for STDs. I've seen too many unpleasant pictures of penises and mouths to risk it. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=464#post-1841 Wed, 09 Sep 2009 05:50:37 +0000 trikky 1841@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>I was recently staying at a hotel in Brighton (the UK's san fran) and went to the bar for a drink when the bar man started to get very chatty with me. He was about 23 very good looking. He told me some funny stories and we had good rapport between us, but no touching or negging. I really liked him. I was sitting at a table away from the bar, which was virtually empty, and he had engaged me in conversation as he was clearing some empty glasses from the next table. He then went back behind the bar and I went to order another drink as a pretext for moving to the bar to continuing chatting with him.<br /> We continued chatting and he told me he had backpacked around Australia for a year and took this job when he came back to get started. I asked him about his time in australia and made a few negs about what he said etc and everything was going well until he then mentioned a place he had gone where he proposed to his girlfriend. (he didn't say if she accepted or mention her again after that) He then asked if I was married, to which I said no but did not elaborate. I think he then took this to mean I was gay, but did not seem bothered. This kind of brought everything to a close, as I didn't know where to go with the conversation after that. I felt that the mentioning of the girlfriend was his way of saying back off I'm straight, or perhaps he didn't have any interest at all and was really only just being friendly. I decided then to make a quick exit and drank up and said thanks and he smiled at me held out his hand to shake hands and said it was nice to meet me, which I shook.<br /> I believe he was susceptable but I am confused as to why he mentioned a girlfriend other than to tell me to back off. what does anybody think? </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=463#post-1840 Wed, 09 Sep 2009 04:37:01 +0000 trikky 1840@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>I have noticed that many times in everyday life when talking casually to men whom I suspect are gay and are trying to suss me out (straight acting closet case) they casually drop something in the conversation about an assumed wife or girlfriend as if fishing for an answer to find out if you are gay. Has anyone else come across this and what do you tend to say. As I am pretty closeted I don't wish to out myself every time this happens and so usually end up just agreeing with what they say. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=461#post-1839 Wed, 09 Sep 2009 04:23:12 +0000 trikky 1839@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>He was a bit unfair on you in that his pace was too fast for you. If you have got his email address, why don't you send him an email letting him know you are going to be in town and suggest casually that " if your around maybe we could hook up for a beer." On no account should you tell him online how you feel or make out that the meeting is a date etc. It should be all very casual so that if he wasn't interest (he is) he can back off without hurting you. That might give you a chance to see him away from your friends so you won't be self conscious. He then has the perfect opportunity to pursue it if he is still interested. Otherwise you will have to hope you bump into him again when you are out with friends and try a bit a touching and negging to let him know you are interested. Hopefully he will realise he went too fast last time and tone it down in front of your friends. Good luck. Let us know what happens </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=445#post-1838 Wed, 09 Sep 2009 01:14:49 +0000 trikky 1838@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>I would say that if he was letting you sleep in the same bed with him, he is very comfortable with you. Not many straight guys would do that. You are right though he is waiting for you to make the move. Get drunk at another sleepover and tell him he looks a bit stiff and offer to massage his shoulders, since seemed to like that. After a few minutes start to work out the massage over his whole back and love handles then ask him to turn over and let you do his front. By then he should have a stonking hard on and then it's your move! </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=462#post-1837 Wed, 09 Sep 2009 01:02:44 +0000 trikky 1837@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>This is a great website and after reading many posts I realise that I have been chatted up far more than I previously thought. I always thought people were just friendly!</p> <p>Having been very closeted for a long time I can recognise why some situations described here by younger guys are not successful. When approaching a closeted guy, you need to realise that his most important thought is that he does not want to be outed, so if your approach is too blatant it will be ignored. I have been pursued by some really drop dead gorgeous guys who were simply to die for. But if they were out themselves, or their approach too obviously sexual I ignored their approaches as I thought that the chance of an out guy outing me were too high. This was mainly because the approaches I had were always through people I met through work or friends rather than bars etc.</p> <p>For a closeted guy discretion is everything. If he feels that responding will compromise him or that the approach is too blatant to allow him to lie his way out of explaining himself to someone who sees it he will ignor you no matter how much he might really like you. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=461#post-1833 Fri, 24 Jul 2009 03:04:36 +0000 sizzle_5001 1833@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>Hi guys I'm completely new to this and need help.</p> <p>I recently saw a guy out while in another city and thought he was the most beautiful thing I'v ever laid eyes on. Turns out he was a friend of a friend and we were introduced. We chatted briefly and when we danced in a group he kept smiling. He said he was going to get a drink, paused and smiled, walked towards the bar, then looked back and smiled again before walking off. I didn't follow.</p> <p>Now I know you're all thinking you idiot. Thats exactly what I think too. But because of the extreme attraction I was speechless and was afraid to make an ass of myself. Later on in the night we both got a little drunk and he was taken home by his friends. </p> <p>I managed to track him down online and said hello and he remembered me but we haven't spoken since. I am now going back to that city to see friends and don't know what to do. I want to ask him out but am too nervous (and also find doing it online a little weird). Chances are I will see him again when out because of mutual friends. What do I do? How can I engage him and see if he is interested? Or did I completely miss my opportunity the first time?</p> <p>Please help. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=460#post-1832 Wed, 01 Jul 2009 18:27:05 +0000 preye 1832@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>pls i need a answer pls or send it to my box @ <a href="mailto:youmeloveeye@yahoo.com">youmeloveeye@yahoo.com</a> thks. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=459#post-1831 Sat, 30 May 2009 09:43:44 +0000 neovincci 1831@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>This is the first time this has happened to me, hence my indecision.</p> <p>I've been chatting online with a guy for several days that lives in my city but was out of town at the time. After about three days of getting to know one another, and as he was getting ready to fly back home, he gave me his phone number and told me to text him my name if I wanted to use it. I did, because I was interested in him. The thing is, we've never met, and it seems weird to me to call someone I have never met face to face. Is this just something I should get over or should I wait until we've made physical contact?</p> <p>Thanks for any advice! </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=458#post-1830 Fri, 22 May 2009 07:38:21 +0000 srogerwb 1830@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>I am in high school and work at the movie theater. I have not come out to anyone (although I think there are some people who have guessed). There is this guy i work with. He is gay and I think he is gorgeous. I am 17 almost 18 he is 31 almost 32. what do I do? </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=457#post-1829 Thu, 21 May 2009 20:15:07 +0000 Billabong 1829@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 months now and are both virgins and need advice on anal sex. How do we get started? Do we need lube? Does he need to finger me before we have anal? </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=456#post-1828 Thu, 21 May 2009 20:14:16 +0000 Billabong 1828@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 months now and are both virgins and need advice on anal sex. How do we get started? Do we need lube? Does he need to finger me before we have anal? </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=433#post-1827 Tue, 12 May 2009 19:46:51 +0000 giveitaway456 1827@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>dudeeee im going through like the same thing as you! I wanna find a boy who isnt like extremely open or crazy about gay rights and all that. Im 18 and there is this boy that im freakin crazy about at work but i dont know if he is gay. I reallllly want him to be but i dont know. Everytime i come in hes all happy and waves his arms in the air its kinda funny. but then he talks about a girl sometimes and it throws me off. but thats ok ill keep waitin. i wish people would just have like this im gay or im not gay sign floating above their heads that i could see. i try readin eye stuff but who knows...im just gonna try and be patient but its so hard. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=454#post-1825 Sat, 25 Apr 2009 18:38:06 +0000 Supervielle 1825@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>Hey guys</p> <p>I'm Colombian, I live in Bogotá. The thing is I've fallen for a guy who's in a microeconomics class with me, he's from the caribbean coast part of Colombia (Barranquilla, yeah... as well as Shakira lol), where men are pretty "machos" you would say... but I'm quite sure he's gay as hell, even though he's not a fairy AT ALL (I'm not either) but every single person who has any kind of knowledge of "how to tell", have told me that he's gay, although he hasn't came out (neither have I).</p> <p>Well, I didn't even know his name, but I managed to get the info, so I requested him in facebook, he accepted me right away... nothing happened until about a month ago; he had on his facebook his msn e-mail, so I added him, as soon as I logged in the day after, he had already accepted me as a friend, so I started to talk with him, at first he was really friendly, or polite you might say, but a bit detached from our conversation... things started to move on, he asked me to help him and his friend in a group assignment, but in that occasion he wasn't there, because he was in Barranquilla for a week (in the U.S it would be spring break) he thanked me a lot for it (I actually added him to msn while he was in Barranquilla).</p> <p>When he got back, in microeconomics class, I met with him outside the classroom, he passed by and he didn't even looked back, I felt disappointed, nevertheless, when I sat, I felt a hand in my shoulder, I looked back and it was him greeting me with a big smile on his face. I've got only two friends in college (girls) who know that I'm gay, they were really shocked when I told them, because one of them was trying to hook me up with one of her friends... now, we give a huge laugh about it.</p> <p>These friends of mine, now know how much I'm mad for him, so they've been helping me out... One day, I had to wear a suit and a tie and everything for a thing I had to do... it has been pointed out to me that I look really good in a suit (that much that I even was hitted on by several girls that day), my friend said to me that he wouldn't stop staring at me...</p> <p> I stare at him quite enough to let him know what my intentions are, he stares back, we look ourselves in the eyes, but never too long, it would probably fit better, a term like gaze. When I was confident enough, I asked him if he wanted to study with me and a group of friends for our exam, he said yes and we agreed a place to meet, I was stood up... He never called to call it off, I was kinda frustrated.</p> <p>He talked to me as if anything has never happened, and actually, everytime we talked he became more "friendly"... I've caught him many times looking at me, and so did he, my friend said that he was checking my ass out the other day.</p> <p>At that point I knew I had to do something, that's why I decided not to enter to that class one day, and I asked my friends to keep an eye on him, I asked them to notice whether when they arrived, they guy would look for me, or if he would look at the door to see if I was just running late... in conclusion, to see if he noticed that I wasn't there... I was downstairs in the cafeteria, and he got out early, so he went to the cafeteria, the first thing he said to me was: "why weren't you at class today?" my friends told me that he kept on looking at my group of friends looking, he would constantly see at the door... the experiment worked really well... hahahaha</p> <p>Bottomline is that I don't know for sure if he's interested, when we look at each other I feel a strong attraction, and my instinct tells me that he does too, there are never smiles, nor his, nor mine, because it would be too much, as I don't have came out I can't ask him widely open. I tried to ask him out twice, he said no... What in hell is going through his head? There's clearly something going on, but I don't know what it is.</p> <p>P.S. I'm sorry if my english made something unclear, if so, I'll try to explain myself later on </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=426#post-1824 Fri, 24 Apr 2009 05:44:49 +0000 jason 1824@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>All the above comments are valuable, but relate to pick-up techniques rather than foreplay (or is this yet another example of subtle differences between American and British English - two nations divide by a common language, as Oscar Wilde observed?) </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=191&page=2#post-1823 Fri, 24 Apr 2009 05:37:47 +0000 jason 1823@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>A number of observations, mostly unpleasant, I'm afraid, but not without value:<br /> This is something which most gays have to face, at some time. Just reflect that you're not alone; plenty of guys have been through this before you, and survived.<br /> (This is even harder:) All experiences, even the most unpleasant, have their positive side, if you're prepared to seek it out. Generally, what it amounts to is that once you've been through it and survived, you're then fireproof - nothing (of that type) can ever hurt you anymore.<br /> The important thing is to get your attitude right. You are a valuable and worthwhile person. You are strong and confident. You are not afraid of small-minded people, but pity their stunted personailities. Here's one to try: face your tormentors and ask them why they are so antagonistic. If they say something like 'because you're a queer' ask them: 'would you torment someone just because they had red hair?' You just might get them thinking, and possibly even realising that their behaviour is unreasonable and inhumane; in which case all of you would benefit.<br /> But for a really reliable and practical next step, Psykick has it right: get into martial arts. This is a good idea in its own right, and all sorts of benefits will result. Be assured, once you develop some competence, your colleagues won't give a damn about your sexual orientation, you'll just be their combat buddy, and valued as such. </p> http://www.guytrap.com/bp/topic.php?id=377#post-1822 Fri, 24 Apr 2009 05:05:48 +0000 jason 1822@http://www.guytrap.com/bp/ <p>That AIDS is now treatable, after a fashion, is no reason to let up on vigilance to avoid the infection. AIDS cannot as yet be cured, merely held in check. The necessary regime of drugs is no fun at all, the side effects are pervasive and unpleasant, and all manner of adventitious ailments take their opportunity to attack, which in AIDS's absence would simply be shrugged off. So anyone who thinks AIDS isn't serious is not himself serious.<br /> AIDS is spread through unprotected sexual contact. (I keep saying AIDS as convenient shorthand; HIV is what's actually transmitted, but AIDS is what it eventually leads to. AIDS doesn't actually kill you, it just wrecks all your natural defences, so that absolutely anything could kill you, including stuff that normally you wouldn't have any problem with.) Therefore anyone who engages in unprotected sexual contact is a fool, and also a danger to society in general, like a mad dog.<br /> The only time that uprotected sex would be justified, is in the context of a committed, deeply loving and totally faithful and monogamous relationship (after both partners have tested negative, before making their mutual commitment). The resulting sexual sponteneity, ultimate intimacy, and joy of total contact without barriers is the justification for monogamy. If you're not prepared to make that commitment (or don't currently have anyone with whom you could bond with that totality) then stay with the rubbers!<br /> If that all sounds very severe and judgmental, just remember that AIDS does not observe the maxims of political correctness. </p>